COMPLIMENTS: Medicine and Magic for the Soul

Compliments are like spoken or written hugs; they make us feel good, they make us feel special. Each of us has at least one segment of our life where compliments are especially appreciated. Being a Mom. Or Dad. Our families. Writing. The value of our work. Our bodies. Fashion. Philosophy. Religion. Home. Living by example.

Compliments, or the lack thereof, came up several times this last week in Coaching Sessions. Although each of my clients has received many compliments in their lives, what they seemed to focus on most were the negative comments, attacks, unfair judgments, dishonest opinions . Sadly, and unconsciously, they too became more fluent in derogatory discourse.

We shifted focus to positive compliments, those previously received. The real ones. The valid ones. Not the insincere or flaky or brown-nose ones. The good juicy ones that had a profound impact on both the giver and receiver; the ones that still put a smile on our faces years later. The ones that still reverberate in the soul.

One that still holds magic for me is, “You have the body of a thoroughbred.” I am not a vain person but that short sentence struck a cord somewhere deep inside me. My husband and I were in a friend’s hot tub with a group of visitors from abroad. The hot tub, the visitors, the friend, and the husband are long gone, but every now and then when I slip into a bikini I remember those words and smile inside.

As I was writing this piece I realized many of my compliments fell into the categories that mean the most to me. My spiritual practices. My nature. My philosophy.

Spiritual practices:“You are a Bodhisattva Warrior.”“The Angel Brigade would be pleased to have you lead them.”

“Among the Light Workers, you are the most radiant.”

“You have one foot firmly grounded and one foot dancing in heaven just like an Earth Angel.”

“May I call you Reverend Grace?”

“When I think of love, I hear your name, I see your face.”

“Meditation and sanity become you.”

My nature:“The world would be a better place if more people were like you.” (I met someone just like me once and I was bored to tears!)“You are too gentle to live among wolves.” (From Shakespeare)

“You hold this community together.”

You have the patience of a saint and the imagination to solve problems like Michelangelo and DiVinci combined.

What you see is what you get; you are the most authentic person I know. (I try)

“You possess a photographic memory.” (Nice thought, but no)

“In my next life, I am going to be your dog. You treat all your rescued animals better than most people treat their children.” (That is true)

Your home is like a museum where anyone would still be comfortable putting their feet up on the coffee table.

Philosophy:“You have wisdom beyond your years.” (I was 18)“Will you head our conglomerate?” (I was 19)

“Will you run the family empire?” (I was 28)

“Thank you for being an independent thinker that cannot be bought or easily mislead.” (I was 30)

“You are everything a woman is meant to be.” (I was 35)

“You saved my life, and the life of my entire family, with your Life Skills Coaching.” (I was 48)

Nicknames:Nicknames can be a form of compliment. When I was a little girl my daddy called me “Chocolate Kisses.” Or he did until my mother put on fifty pounds and it wasn‘t so cute anymore. Lovers often give us unique nicknames as a sign of affection. Friends have called me Earth Angel, Golden One and White Bird for years.Even negative sounding nicknames can be backhanded compliments. My favorites: Ice Maiden (because I never slept with my clients) Dragon Lady (because the words I spoke could both warm and burn) and Fang (because I wouldn’t give up once I had my teeth in a project).

The most magical and medicinal compliments that still have the power to raise my soul no matter how depleted I may feel:

“If I die I want you to marry my beloved soul mate and raise my precious children.”

“I would lay down my life to save yours so the world may know your heart a bit longer.”

Each was said by unrelated people on several occasions. Both still take my breath away.

Be generous and genuine with the compliments you pay to others. Give them often. Appreciation is a miraculous tonic for the person who sips of them AND the person who pours them generously. The compliments you give today may still be magic and medicine in the heart of someone who draws on them years from now.

What was your BEST compliment?? Received?? Given?? I would love to hear your comments below!

AUTHENTICS: Life Skills by Conscious Design

#7: “Appreciation vs. Expectation” by Sapphire Grace

We meet, we fall in love and our appreciation for the other person knows no bounds. They are intelligent, kind, successful, generous, punctual, funny and to us, they can do no wrong. We love all the same things: walks on the beach, long dinners, sleeping in, working out. We even share the same politics and spiritual beliefs. We are amazed by their sensitivity to family members, children, pets, and humanity. Their jokes keep us in stitches. Their efforts to save a fallen baby sparrow brings tears to our eyes. We love the very look of them; we even love their smell. We brag about them. We count on them. We have found safe harbor to be ourselves.

Before long expectation surfaces and we begin to feel more critical of them. We decide their intelligence may not extend much beyond their chosen profession. They lack common sense. They are on the computer too much and at the office too often. Their sensitivity seems codependent. Returning from the gym smells a bit ripe. They tell the same joke over and over. Their generosity has sexual strings. Flushing a half-dead goldfish down the drain seems thoughtless. Plus, they don’t spend nearly as much time as they used to looking good for us. The safe harbor begins to feel like dry dock.

Any time we are out-of-sorts with someone it is generally because we have lost our original appreciation of them and allowed our expectation to take over. The ten times they were right on time is replaced with disappointment the one time they are late because it is our birthday. Their jokes are corny, or off-color, or too personal. The admiration of a toned body fades into piles of smelly laundry. This safe harbor needs dredging.

To learn more about the art and science of

AUTHENTICS: Life Skills by Conscious Design 

BLUE WATERS SPEAK TO ME, a new book due in late November/early December

by author, artist and spiritual activist, Sapphire Grace,

please continue to visit www.EarthAngelPublishing.com or

www.HubPages/Hub/AUTHENTICS #7: Appreciation vs. Expectation

“Your heart is just like your Chocolate Drawer,” my friend remarks in passing while nosing around my kitchen. I nod my head in the direction of her affections. Her eyes light up; she stops crying.

I pour two fresh cups of chocolate flavored decaf. My dear friend, half heartbroken half relieved, showed up unannounced before dawn. Still in sweats, practicing Yoga with Steven Ross on cable, I answered the door to a tear-stained face seeking solace and comfort.

With a hug and an arm around her shoulder I welcomed her into the sanctuary I call home. I am a Life Skills Coach. With thousands of life-affirming-tools at my disposal, there is one that rarely fails: The Chocolate Drawer. I use it myself. At 5′ 3″ and 120 pounds I alone probably consume twice my weight in any given year. My clients, friends and loved ones use it even more and easily triple that amount.

I hand my friend a piping hot mug but her eyes linger on the milk chocolate See’s rum nougats. “Help yourself,” I offer genuinely. I silently thank the Wild-Divine for small blessings and the power to resist one of my favorites. This time anyway.

Everyone who enters my safe haven is free to try, taste, nibble, eat, gobble, scoff, wolf, gorge, feast, munch, chomp, partake, consume, devour AND take as much as they desire from The Chocolate Drawer. There is only one caveat.

“AUTHENTICS” is the subject of a new book, BLUE WATERS SPEAK TO ME, by Sapphire Grace to be released by Earth Angel Publishing in late November early December 2007.

“AUTHENTICS,” a term coined by author, artist and spiritual activist Sapphire Grace, refers to a set of highly evolved life-skills she refined over a 30-year period.

“AUTHENTICS,” the result of a lifetime of meditation, prayer, study and reflection goes far beyond self-improvement to a deeper awareness and higher consciousness. “AUTHENTICS” creator, Sapphire Grace, is an avid student of spiritual integrity, potent imagination, independent thinking, universal love & compassion, world religion, social discourse, personal philosophy, in-depth psychology, peaceful diplomacy and creative philanthropy.

(copyright 1977-2007 by Sapphire Grace; all rights reserved)